By Bryan Kelleher
What is a bed? What is it for? Merriam Webster defines a bed as “a piece of furniture on or in which to lie and sleep.” So, to go outside of the defined purpose of a bed, using a bed as a dinner table, is just BANANAS.
When you go to a restaurant, where do you typically sit? Does anyone naturally gravitate towards the table that still has crumbs on it? No? Well, that’s because it’s dirty. Why on earth would someone opt to sleep in their bed of crumbs? It just seems illogical.
What I don’t understand is how people allow this. I understand how there is a sense of comfort and warmth from eating in bed while watching your favorite Netflix show, however, there are certainly other means of obtaining that sensation while being a clean human.
For example, bring a blanket to the couch and use your laptop there (*insider tip* usually couches have pillows too, much like a bed!).
Upon doing more research on this topic, I found a scene from Sesame Street that taught Ernie to not eat in bed. SESAME STREET. 3-year olds watch that and they know better than to eat in a bed.
I feel like it really just comes down to the sanitary aspect of this atrocity. How can leftover food, stale, in a place you sleep be healthy? It can’t.
Have you ever gone camping? You usually bring gallon-sized plastic bags to keep your food in, correct? That’s so you don’t attract bears. Logical right?
In this case, all sense of normality is thrown out the window welcoming a hive of critters to flock into your sheets, gross right? In student off-campus housing we all know we are not living in the cleanest of houses, likely having some sort of mouse or rat issue at some point.
Letting food settle in-between your sheets is like welcoming all sorts of small animals to a free buffet. Just think about that.
Why is all logic thrown out the window when the comfort of a bed is involved? I love my bed, with all my heart – honestly, I do. But because of that, I am going to respect it and not make it dirty.
There is also no benefit to eating in bed. You have to get out of bed to get food anyways, so you will already be up.
It’s not like you can whip things up in your kitchen while still waking up from your 2 o’clock nap. Rather, eating in bed only causes crumbs.
And to quote The Lego Movie, that’s how you get ants. Also, who on earth wants to wake up with a piece of lettuce from that sandwich you ate 2 weeks ago stuck to their face? And no, no it isn’t a snack, it’s a health concern.
To all of you who eat in bed, stay away from me.