Make Our Hallways Great Again- She Said

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She Said

Jordan Norkus

According to Marriam-Webster, road rage is defined as “a motorist’s uncontrolled anger that is usually provoked by another motorist’s irritating act and is expressed in aggressive or violent behavior.”

Keeping that in mind, hallways are a lot like roads. Traffic is moving in different directions and there are a wide array of distractions along the way.

Now what happens when you’ve got somewhere to be and someone is quite literally standing in your way?

This is what I would like to introduce to you as “hallway rage.”

Before I go any further, I would like to dedicate my “she said” debut to all of you slow walkers out there. I wouldn’t be here if it weren’t for you. Scratch that… I WOULD be exactly where I needed to be, if it weren’t for you.

There are far too many people who take their sweet ‘ole time getting from point A to point B. It really isn’t that hard to put some pep in your step. Even if you weren’t blessed with long legs, that doesn’t mean you still can’t pick up your feet and GO.

There is nothing more frustrating than being stuck behind someone who just won’t pick up the pace. Then there’s those times when you just can’t take it anymore and you try to go around them and they decide it’s the perfect time to walk on the other side of the hallway… and you’re stuck… behind them…

If life were like the racing video game, “Mario Kart,” I would be dishing out red shells left and right; taking out whoever’s in front of me like a bowling ball knocking over pins.

I don’t care what anyone says, hallway rage is a real thing. Being stuck behind someone or something when you’re in a hurry is aggravating in any instance. Do you know that feeling you get when you’re in New York City and a bunch of tourists are stopped in the middle of the sidewalk and you have to dodge your way through or around them? Just like hallway rage. Do you know that feeling you get when you’re driving and you get stuck behind a student driver who’s moving as slow as molasses? Just like hallway rage.

Hallway rage doesn’t just result from slow walkers. Have you ever walked through the 63’s and Outtakes hallway and were bombarded with “buy this,” “sign this,” and “give me all of your money?” Who actually has cash on campus? Now I’m not saying that the organizations and causes aren’t important. But I can see you… you don’t need to scream at me and wave flyers in my face. I’ve got a destination and I don’t have time to stop.

Being a fast hallway walker does have its fallbacks.

One time last semester, I was boogying my way down the hallway to go to my 5 o’clock class. Long story short, I was running late, didn’t see the wet floor sign right in front of me, and was walking just quickly enough to trample over the sign and face plant into the floor. Needless to say, I’m convinced that all of Sacred Heart University witnessed me take a nosedive and got a good laugh.

In that moment, I could imagine how Cady Heron must have felt in “Mean Girls” when she was walking down the hallway with Regina George, Gretchen Wieners and Karen Smith and she ended up falling into the garbage can.

Now I would like to conclude with a message for any slow walker who may be reading this: you have legs for a reason… use them.

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