She Said: Giovanna Gatto
This week I would like to thank my lovely he said counterpart for our topic from 1972. Mr. Mattariello, informally know as Tony, approached me with this idea wide-eyed and enthusiastic. After a chuckle and some snarky sarcastic comments, I found myself wondering why in God’s name he would want to write about one of the biggest hairstyle embarrassments of our world.
Some would say the mullet was designed for the indecisive trendy person. Why just have short hair or why only have long hair, when you can have both? The mullet is an unattractive hairstyle that is short in the front and long in the back.
People much like the mister to my right often praise the styling by saying that it is a business in the front and party in the back. In my opinion there is only disappointment at all angles of this horrendous style.
The mullet had a place and time in our past, which I personally think should have never existed. However, celebrities such as Billy Ray Cyrus unfortunately trademarked the trend into their aesthetic.
Yet, even the mullet man himself sold out to a modern trend. His footprint on the Disney Channel show, Hannah Montana, proved his acceptance of a trend that has come and gone and should never return. There is an episode that features a song entitled, “I Want My Mullet Back,” in a plea to rebirth the trend. Yet, only wigs and mockery resulted from the depiction; no real forward movement because mullets are a thing of the past, an embarrassment and mistake.
As an active participant of our current culture, my up to date heart breaks at the thought that this hairstyle might be creeping into our currents trends. It is often discussed how trends come in and out of fashion. Yet, personally, this is a hairstyle that needs to know its place. So here is my letter to you:
Dear all lovers of mullets,
Your hair should not be different lengths. The mullet hairstyle looks as if your hairdresser fell asleep midway through cutting.
Please do not take offense to my brutal torment of a mistaken hair trend. Instead, educate yourself on why you look absolutely ridiculous.
Are you confused about what length your hair should be? Try layers. It is the early 2000s attempt at fumigating the mullet. Layers gracefully waterfall hair in a gradual pattern, an appropriate way to have a hairstyle with more than one length.
The mullet is distasteful, outdated and needs to remain abolished. Lovers of mullets, I know you may feel extra saucy sporting this bold look, yet that does not justify its lack of class. It only seems fitting that the hairstyle shares the name with a fish that is noted for its ability to leap in and out of water.
The mullet keeps pushing to be relevant again and then it crashes, only to realize how its place is not in our current world. Much like the mullet fish that jumps only to return to its ocean heaven. All lovers of mullets, please checkout from the 1970s and check into reality. The barber is calling, a hair cut is needed. Trust me, your mother will thank you. I do not stand for your hair choices. I stand in protest to your unbalanced cut. I stand for my modern American culture.
With style,
Giovanna
He Said: Anthony Mattariello
The 1980s were arguably the best decade to come. This decade brought several amazing things into this gloomy world.
Run DMC, Van Halen, Quiet Riot, Duran Duran, Ghostbusters, Back to the Future, Clue and Pee-wee Herman are examples that brought joy into this world.
Although these great feats of humankind undoubtedly helped better the world, there was one that changed the world forever.
This apex of human development is different than any other thing that came out of the eighties. It birthed a movement that rocked the whole world. This came to be known as the mullet.
This perfect concept of a haircut wasn’t just a fad, it was a lifestyle. The mullet showed off that business in the front and party in the back mentality.
If you walked around with a mullet you let people know that you got your work done during the week and when the weekend hits, you party hard.
This hair took society by storm. Anyone who was anybody was sporting this spectacle. Paul McCartney and David Bowie were ust a few names. Lets be honest here, if David Bowie is doing it everybody should be doing it.
Some people might say how ridiculous the mullet looks and that it means you’re white trash. Well, these people have no sense of fashion and are uncultured swine.
The reason why the mullet changed the world is because it didn’t just stay in the 80s. The mullet survived for years, even with the frequent changes in the fashion world.
The mullet kept pretty popular into the 90s. Metallica’s frontman, James Hetfield, sported it on the big stage while performing between 1994 and 1995.
Also the popular punk rock band, The Vandals, wrote their hit song “I’ve Got An Ape Drape” in 1998. Of course the band also sported mullets on the stage during the release of their album.
Even though the popularity of the mullet started to decline, its presence still remained. Perhaps the biggest showing of the mullet was on the big screen during the hit film “Joe Dirt.”
“Joe Dirt’s” “life’s a garden, dig it” attitude showed people what it meant to sport the mullet. Even though the hairstyle was fading away, its been slowing making its comeback.
Next time you’re walking around campus be sure to keep on a look out for the few good souls that are sporting this immaculate flow.
If you don’t believe me just take a look at this gorgeous specimen.
