A Real Life Breakfast Struggle: Poptarts Edition

By Alexa Binkowitz

Co-News Editor

If you ask anyone about me, they’ll tell you that I’m really not a breakfast person. I’ve always been the grab-and-go type, meaning that I’ll always reach for the granola bar or the apple before sitting down for a big, formal breakfast.

Now, I know what you’re thinking, Oh but, Alexa, breakfast is the most important meal of the day. Believe me, I would never dispute the fact that breakfast is important, which is why I often find myself grabbing a quick Poptart in the morning before running off to get on the shuttle for class.

However, earlier last week, as the morning sun crept through my blinds and I reached for my new box of “Spookylicous” Poptarts, I was horrified at what I saw.

The beautifully spooky, orange-iced Poptart, with ghost and moon sprinkles that were advertised on the box, was definitely not what was crumbling into the crevices of my palms.

Instead, in my hands was a sad, scarcely iced Poptart that did not feature any of the ghost or moon sprinkles that were displayed on the special edition Halloween box.

With my fall spirit crashing down right before my eyes, I did what any flustered millennial would do, and I tweeted Poptarts immediately, telling them that they crushed my fall spirit and that I would not stand for this ugly behavior.

After what seems like an eternity, Poptarts finally answered my passive-aggressive tweets and told me to direct message them for help with my issue.

So, imagine me, already a convicted breakfast-skipper, feeling so cheated and lied to by the only breakfast I really trusted.

After going back and forth with Poptarts on Twitter, we finally agreed on a coupon for a free box of Poptarts, which I realized it only benefited them in the end. I was still going to be buying and using their products, and like a fool, I fell for their charm.

They told me not to lose faith in them, and like a loyal and blind Poptart puppy, I remained attached to the artificial chocolate breakfast pastry that has accompanied me to so many classes and events in the past.

Persuaded by the word free, as many of us college students are, I slowly began to realize how powerful these companies really are.

Poptarts, a company that has been around since 1964, has grown up with us, and has learned how to target consumers in an incredibly clever way.

Social media has taken over the world, which means that companies like Poptarts have to deal with heartbroken, icing-deprived college kids like me over Twitter and Facebook every single day.

However, they are smarter than the rest of us, because I was sitting here, devastated over my lack of ghost sprinkles and they still managed to save my business by offering me a free product.

In conclusion, I am still staring at this box of inadequate Poptarts on my desk.

They mock me every day, but I understand that maybe the Spookylicous Poptarts are really just a metaphor for life itself. Meaning, sometimes things look great on the outside, but are really quite disappointing on the inside.

Even more upsetting, some things don’t always have the ghost and moon sprinkles that are promised to you.

Please remember this life lesson when you’re making friends in the future.

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