Confessions of a Tall Person

By Jordan Norkus

Asst. Arts & Entertainment Editor

I’m 5’10 living in a five foot world.

A world where nothing is as funny and original as being asked “how’s the weather up there?”

A world where you’re constantly asked if you play basketball, even though you’re about as athletic as Steve Urkel with two left feet.

As much as I love being tall, the extra inches come with everyday struggles that only tall people can understand.

Let me paint you a picture of a day in the life of a tall person.

The struggles start in the morning, when your feet are probably dangling off your bed. Can you feel your toes? Probably not. Your blanket was apparently made for eight year olds and your legs were sticking out in the cold all night.

On your way down to breakfast, you didn’t remember to duck and you hit your head on the doorframe. Low ceilings also give you the fear of being beheaded by ceiling fans.

When you’re in the middle of eating, your brother asks you to get the cereal off the top shelf. Since you’re the only one who can reach anything and short people forget that chairs exist, you’re forced to get up and put down your bacon, egg and cheese.

Later that night you’re getting ready to go out with some friends. You don’t have anything nice to wear so you look through your friend’s closet. Too bad all of your friends could pass as your children, so borrowing a pair of jeans means looking like you’re getting ready for the Great Flood 2.0.

You put the high waters back and try a dress instead. Every dress you try on looks like a shirt. Moral of the story? Stick to your own closet.

When you finally put an outfit together and everyone is ready, it’s time to take pictures. It’s all fun and games until you look at the pics and see that you’re towering over your friends. Who invited the giraffe?

Speaking of pictures, large group pics means “tallest in the back.” Yeah, your forehead probably looks great in that pic.

Don’t even thinking about wearing heels. Your high school prom was fun because you made the bold choice of wearing heels and was able to see right over your date’s head. Unless you want to look like the Empire State Building grew a pair of legs and strut its way down New York City, steer clear.

It’s finally time to leave the house. Short friend #4 calls “shotgun” so you get to awkwardly cram your long limbs into the back seat of the car. Getting into the back of two door cars are the most fun, make sure you tell the driver to go over every single bump in the road because nothing makes you happier than bumping your head on the top of the car every two seconds.

After a long day, you finally get go back home to your small bed and your little blanket.

There you have it. Being tall may come with some irritable cons, but at least you’ll always have the best view at a concert. Not to mention you’d probably make Tyra Banks proud.

I wouldn’t trade my height for anything.

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