When Does it End? Part 2

As the semester begins to get under way, I find myself looking back at old photos from senior year of high school and freshman year of college up until now. Looking back at these photos, I start to remember memories I have probably tried to repress at one point or another over the past couple of years. It’s another rollercoaster of emotions, except the rollercoaster just got way more intense than it was last semester.  

At this point, there’s probably just under 100 days until graduation, whatever form that may be, and I feel like I just moved in for band camp freshman year. Time moves so quickly and yet so slow at the same time. I blink and the time spent at Sacred Heart just flew by, but in the moments of struggle, I definitely felt like time could not go by fast enough. Such as those moments when I was on the verge of a breakdown because everything got very overwhelming very quickly. But the positive and happy moments are still ones to remember. Moments such as playing in front of a crowd in the halftime show with the band at a football game.

However, on a much smaller and more recent level, winter break felt like forever, but before I knew it, I was moving back in for the spring semester. I took advantage of a winter class to keep myself somewhat busy, but there was still a lot of empty time that was not wasted like I would have expected. It was a time to relax and reflect on the past year because of the coronavirus, but also the past four years of my college experiences.

I find myself even more unsure of what I want to do post-graduation than I did last semester and have found a lot more people feel a very similar way. There is this sudden pressure to know exactly what we are supposed to do the day we graduate, especially as that day becomes closer with each passing day.

However, everything is so up in the air all the time now that I’m not even really sure what next week is going to have in store for me. If I’m not even sure of that, how am I supposed to know exactly what I want to do and where I want to go 12 weeks from now? I just try to keep a little sense of hope in the back of my mind that everything is going to be okay in the end and just take it day by day. But sometimes that gets difficult when it seems as though every other person that I talk to wants to know what I’m doing after graduation and I was supposed to know this answer as of last year.

Here is the overall general answer that can be applied to me and probably many other second semester seniors: I am not completely sure what I want to do when graduation day comes, but I will figure it out when it does come.

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