Oops I Have Anxiety

I was drying my hair when it happened. I had my earbuds in and was absolutely butchering the Hairspray soundtrack yet still having the time of my life. I was even using my hairbrush as a microphone. And then I couldn’t breathe.

I had no idea what was happening and started to freak out. Everything had been completely normal and then very suddenly it wasn’t. In the back of my mind, I knew I was breathing yet every other part of my brain was screaming for air. No matter how hard I tried I couldn’t seem to breathe. Luckily, my mom was home that day and she was able to help me out of it. I don’t know what would have happened if she wasn’t there. What I do know is that it was a panic attack. One of the many fun symptoms of anxiety.

I don’t know when I started developing anxiety or at what point I thought I had it because for the longest time I couldn’t admit to myself that that’s what it was. I would get anxious over things that weren’t in my control. It wasn’t just happening because I forgot to do homework. It was happening when I made eye contact with a stranger or if a piece of hair was sticking up on my head. I just considered it normal. Everybody gets anxious sometimes but for me it was happening every day.

I finally admitted I had a problem when I started getting physical symptoms like a stutter and random hyperventilating. I feel guilty for taking so long to admit to my disability and yet it’s still hard to grapple with.

My anxiety has never been officially diagnosed by a doctor and I have never seeked that kind of treatment because I’m worried about having to take medication. Some people take meds for their anxiety and that is a completely valid choice, but there are a lot of side effects that have made me nervous. 

So instead of taking meds I drink green tea and practice positive self-talk. I am learning new ways to manage my anxiety every day and I have a pretty solid support system for when I can’t handle it on my own. I’ve even opened myself up to looking at therapy as an option which, I think, is a big step in the right direction.

Life with undiagnosed anxiety can be tough. I doubted myself a lot before admitting it, but now that I have, I can work towards living with my disability rather than just surviving it.


To donate, please scan the QR code, or copy and paste the link below in your browser, and choose “Audrey’s Corner” from the list of options. Thank you for your support.
 https://www.sacredheart.edu/offices–departments-directory/university-advancement/make-a-gift/

About the author

Staff Writer

Leave a Reply