The Philosophy of Socks

By Alexa Binkowitz 

Co-News Editor

Last time we spoke over here, I ended up telling a story about a problem I had with Pop-Tarts. Although they completely betrayed me, Pop-Tarts ended up sucking me back into their complicated loyalty system of weakness and free products.

However, this time I’ll be discussing something else very important to me that I feel isn’t debated enough, and that’s the issue of fun socks.

If you are initially confused by what I mean, please take a seat and let me explain.

I’m sure deep within your sock drawer, maybe buried underneath the calf-length white Nike socks, or the black ankle socks you wear while contemplating your life on the treadmill, are pairs of socks you would only have the guts to wear with jeans that will definitely cover your ankles or maybe with high, yet fashionable boots.

I would like to take this time to advocate for the fun socks that are not appreciated enough because they deserve a voice of expression too.

Those socks, sometimes called “fun socks” by experts, are actually the most important pieces of clothing a person could own.

I personally believe that fun socks are the only way to honestly and positively know a person. At the very least, they’re great conversation starter.

Despite prior belief, socks are actually the windows to the soul.

In fact, one afternoon, I was casually browsing the fun sock collection in Target when a woman walked up and stood next to me, definitely deep in thought.

After a few uneventful minutes, she turned to me and asked if I liked the taco socks or the watermelon socks better.

Initially caught off guard by her intimate question, I knew that this was a crucial moment in history, because this woman would be choosing a pair of fun socks that could possibly define her personality to others in the future.

This woman, with no prior knowledge of my life or what I cared about, was on the brink of knowing me on a more personal level because of the choice I was going to make.

With full confidence, I told her I liked the taco socks better because truthfully, I hated watermelons and would never wear a sock that depicted something I didn’t like. Right then and there, a stranger knew a personal secret about me because she asked about my fun sock preferences. It’s really as simple as that.

I guess the point I’m trying to make here is that fun socks are a huge part of humanity that a lot of people ignore.

Will I really pull out my flamingo ankle socks and wear them to an important interview? I absolutely will.

Would I really wear my knee-high squirrel socks to church or to a holiday dinner? Of course I would.

Did I wear my pineapple socks to a Hawaiian themed party feeling like I was straight out of “Moana?” Yes I did.

So, what I’m trying to say is don’t be afraid to push those boring white socks to the back of the drawer every once in a while.

Leave those sad black socks for a depressing night of watching Rose leaving Jack alone in the water in “Titanic” when he easily could have fit on the door with her.

Life is short and so are some ankle socks, so you won’t even see them if you don’t want to look lame.

Don’t be afraid to make a statement here and there, I promise you won’t regret it.

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