No way. This can’t be happening. I do not imagine ghosts. Ghosts aren’t real. Maybe they are. My father looked pretty real. I can’t decide if I want this to be real or not. If the ghost of my father appeared in front of me and commanded me to murder the King, then I’m royally screwed. But if it wasn’t real, then I’m going crazy. Not sure which option sounds most desirable right now.
What am I supposed to do with this information? How can he dump this on me and leave me to decipher it all?
Maybe I should blame Claudius for this situation and leave it be. If the ghost was right, then the King is to blame for my father’s death. But even so, I can’t be a godforsaken murderer. What will become of me then? How could one kill the King of a country without getting caught? What would the punishment even be? I shouldn’t think about that.
But that is the position I am in. I am either a murderer or a psychopath, or I disrespect the dead. My life can never be the same. I must live with the guilt of my action or inaction for the rest of my time. Why couldn’t he have shown up when I was already wasted? Then maybe I could just forget this whole nightmare completely.
And oh, what about my mother? I would be betraying her by killing her new husband. She moved on so quickly after my father’s death, barely waiting until his casket was closed to be swept into another man’s arms. It still baffles me. But my love for my family must surpass my anger and jealousy towards her. I cannot stray from my values now; I wouldn’t be any better than him.
So badly, I want to confide in someone. Perhaps Horatio? Or sweet, sweet Ophelia? I couldn’t bear to burden them with my darkness. One must not haunt any more souls with this weight. Their knowledge of this could make it all the more dangerous too. Although it would be quite relieving to have someone to navigate this with. Ugh. Why did my father have to do this? Why am I blaming my father when Claudius is in the wrong?
The guilt I’m feeling over this already is insane. Almost as insane as admitting to seeing a ghost of my dead father. Morals suck. How do I decide if I get vengeance for my father or remain loyal to my country and mother? I used to think I was better than revenge.
Ophelia would be ashamed of me. Probably horrified at my capabilities. The way I love her so gently, then go out and become a violent monster. Alas, I must obey my father as the good peasants of Denmark deserve their proper King. It will not be easy, but it must be done.
